An Imagined Scenario

Me: *draws the curtain and enters her room*
She: *fiddling with her phone*
Me:  I have something to say.
She: *eyes divert from her handheld device* Yeah?
Me: *deep breath*
She: *scrunches her eyebrows, her lips remain frowned*
Me: *opens my mouth to speak, but nothing comes out*
She: *continues to stare at me*
Me:  Never mind. I forgot.
She: *offers a raucous laugh upon hearing my words*
Me: *grins*

I did not forget.

I wish I could.

Easily Influenced

I'm not ready for relationships.

How am I supposed to love another when I'm incapable of loving myself?

Let me make this straight.

I am grateful for being alive.
I am grateful for everything I have been blessed with.

No. I do not blame God. I blame myself.

No one else should be blamed.

You like me? Well I hope you like uncertainty and distance, because that's what I'm about.

I cannot say the same towards you, because I've been having doubts.

Not just about you, but myself.

Where do my loyalties lie?
What do I believe?
Do I have any boundaries?
Am I willing to trust you?
Will I be able to stomach the pain that could possibly come after?

No.

I feel too much.

Beware,

Stay away.

You wouldn't understand.

Would you?

Believe me, it's not your fault.
Any sane person would have assumed the same.

I do have feelings for you though. It's hard to explain.

I did not acknowledge it,

Because I did not want to hurt you by giving you hope about something which could not happen

Due to my cowardice.

I am a coward.

You may hate me for it.

I already do.